I avoid being happy and confident so I can avoid having to be the man everyone wants and deal with having to handle that lifestyle. I attract lots of people when I’m at my best and I’m afraid or can’t be arsed having to deal with it all because of my past experiences. I know what’s involved and possible things I have to do or deal with and I really don’t want to do them so I can’t be arsed. But I remember when I was younger and less confident I had to convince myself to do them all to get the life I want and where I am now. Oh the irony. This is why it’s hard with Noah, I know all the things he is going through and I am now reliving them myself through him, those not so great experiences I had growing up.